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Cassie's Room; Baby Leon? <3
Topic Started: Jan 11 2011, 04:07 PM (783 Views)
Jake Fleming
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What was done was done. Jake didn`t think he had anything more to say. He was waiting for anything – yells, screams, things thrown at him, but none of that came. Only tears. Just simple tears. It was worse than anything she could have said to him. Women didn`t really know how affective their tears could be. They made a man feel vulnerable, made him want to eat himself up alive, just to make her stop crying. To make the one they love smile again, no matter the consequences. Jake knew it wasn`t even possible. It was just tears and few questions. That was it.

Jake nodded. He couldn`t wait to get out of that body. It had gotten too uncomfortable, lately he`d let himself be himself more and more often, that was why Serena saw him, that was why all of that happened. He was sick of pretend to be someone that he wasn`t. But now, looking at her, he knew one thing – he had to explain every single detail. Everything. About the way he ended up in that body, about the way everything was supposed to go.

”How?” He repeated. Their voices were so silent as if it was someone`s wake. In a way it probably was. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a flask he had always been carrying around with himself, claiming that it was blood. ”Polyjuice potion.” he murmured, before putting the flask down on her bed. The taste was making him sick even thinking about it. Jake was sick of everything, of a different face every time he looked in a mirror, of unfamiliar hands he always saw, of a strange voice coming from his throat. He took one more deep breath. The lump wouldn`t leave his throat. He couldn`t believe he was doing what he was.

He reached into another pocket and pulled out a vial. He had been carrying it around for some time. In case if he needed to turn back instantly, in case if he needed to show his true self. It felt like the proper moment, because Cassie needed to see everything. Opening the vial he brought up to his lips and took a gulp. Not a moment later his face began to change. His hair got shorter, his features changed. A couple of seconds after it was him. Truly him sitting in front of Cassie. Touching his face with his fingers he sighed. It was still hard to comprehend everything.

But he couldn`t look at her anymore. He turned away. ”Why I didn`t tell you?” He asked, examining the wall to his side. ”I made a promise not to.” he murmured. This was pointless. He had to tell her everything from the beginning or she would never understand.

Suddenly standing up to his feet Jake began walking in circles. Even if she wasn`t going to forgive him, he was determined to tell her everything. No more lies. He couldn`t handle any more. ”I knew she was going to kill you. Joanna. I knew she would kill you unless you escaped.” he started speaking, still walking in circles, still avoiding her look. ”I asked Leon to take care of you. I was ready to die, so that Leon could leave with you and make sure you were okay.” Leon. Damn, Jake couldn`t be sorry enough. It was his best friend after all.

”But he… he looked at me and told me that while he would be happy to die for me, he could never live for me.” He stopped and clenched his teeth, trying to control his emotions. He hadn`t talked to anyone about Leon yet. There was no one to talk to. ”That`s what he did. He died for me. And made me promise that the moment I see that you are better, I leave. He didn`t want to make his sacrifice pointless, he didn`t want you to be involved with me anymore, because he was sure that it would only bring pain and death.” Jake had no idea how come he managed to talk for so long without losing his voice. After a moment he began walking in circles again.

”I thought I could do it. I thought I could pretend to be him, wait for you to get better and then leave like he asked me to.” Suddenly he stood and looked directly at her. There were tears in his eyes, for how hard he tried to control himself. He betrayed everyone. Even his friend who gave his life for him. ”But I didn`t know I loved you so much. I literally wished to have been the one to die. I could hardly take it, being so close to you every day, seeing you in pain… I wanted to tell you. I really thought I`d break sooner or later and tell you the whole truth, but… Leon. He gave up his life for this. I couldn`t do it. I couldn`t do that to him.” It amazed him that he still had strength to stand, to look at her. The birth of his son was supposed to be the most amazing thing ever. Well, it wasn`t. It was one of the most painful things ever.

Jake cleared his throat and took a deep breath to continue. ”Then you got better and… I couldn`t control myself anymore. I wanted you. Like I always had. And I felt horrible for what I`ve done, because I was breaking my promise to my best friend. And for what? For a couple of moments of pleasure? For a minute of holding you in my hands?” He shook his head and took a step back. ”I sold my friend for a second of happiness that I didn`t deserve.”

He ran his hands through his hair. There was so much he had to say. Too much. He didn’t` know how to fit it all so it would make any sense. But he really tried his best to hold himself together. ”I knew I had to keep my promise. I knew I had to leave. And I would have, I really would have but then you told me you were pregnant… God…” It was like a shot of pain through his heart. The child. Supposed to have been his child. ”I figured… Leon would get angry on me if I left you pregnant. I had to stay. And I was happy. I loved you. I had always loved you. By that point I didn`t care about the reason as long as there was one. And it suddenly fell straight down to my arms.” he gave up on trying to think how was she going to feel about all that. He just let it all go.

In a way it felt good. To stop lying at last. To tell everything. Every single thing. ”I was going to tell you after you gave birth, because it would have been too dangerous before. I suppose… I at least stuck to that.”
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Cassie Davis
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All that Cassie wanted was answers. She wanted to know how he'd been Jake the whole time, how he'd hidden so well. She wanted to know why he'd hidden it. Most importantly, she wanted to know what all this meant for them. She could forgive a lie, but this... This she wasn't so sure about.

When Leon, or Jake, or whoever he was, pulled out the flask and spoke, it all made sense. It was never blood. She'd made so many comments about not drinking blood that was so cold and heating it up in the microwave toward that flask, but it'd never been blood. It had always been Polyjuice potion. She watched as he drank the vial and slowly changed into his real self, changed back into Jake. It was weird to look at him right then, like seeing a ghost. It'd been too long since she'd seen the real him.

Of course. The promise. He'd often spoke of a promise, but now it made much more sense. A promise to help her, get her back on her feet, and then to leave. That had been the promise, right? But as he kept speaking, a new weight laid heavily on her chest. Leon had died for Jake. He'd given up his own life so that she and Jake could live on. The only catch was that they couldn't be together anymore. He died for them. And Jake had let him.

"I can't believe you let him die for you..." It was sickening in a way. She was literally sick to her stomach at the thought that Jake had let his best friend die in such a horrible way and for what? Her safety? A small chance at a normal life? Her happiness wasn't worth a man's life. Even if she'd have never made it out of that manor, she didn't want to be the reason anyone died. "I told you so many times that I didn't even want saving if anyone had to die..."

It hurt to watch the way Jake struggled to speak, hurt to see those tears in his eyes. Any other day, she'd have wanted to wipe those tears away. Now she wasn't sure what to feel. Was she supposed to be angry? Relieved? Sad? She felt all of those things, mixed together in some weird emotion. But she couldn't find the strength to yell. It wouldn't make anything better anyway.

He couldn't control himself. Wasn't that typical Jake? That night, the night she'd thought had gotten her pregnant... was it worth all the trouble that it had brought? Of course not. Nothing was ever worth betraying your friend, especially not something so shallow and stupid as sleeping with the woman you promised not to see anymore. Something hit her, then, a realization. The night before, that dream she'd had... "It wasn't a dream, was it?" she asked, voice cracking slightly. That was why it'd seemed so real - it had been. "You and I... You... You literally stopped using the potion for a little while just to sleep with me? You used me... to betray your promise to your best friend and to satisfy your annoying vampire needs for a little while? Really? I mean, dear God, Jake... what the hell were you thinking?"

How horrible could a person be? Not only had he lied to her, betrayed both her and Leon, he also came back for a single night to use her. But really, why was she so surprised? It'd always been his weakness. Time and faking his death couldn't have changed that. With that thought, another new realization had come to her. It was the night before she'd slept with Leon... or Jake in Leon's body. Twenty-nine weeks ago.

"Oh my God..." Maybe it was his baby after all. No, she couldn't exactly order a paternity test right that very moment, her son wasn't ready for something like that that very moment, but maybe... Whether she was angry with him or not, it was always supposed to be his child. In a way, she was relieved. Still, she wasn't going to mention it. She wasn't going to tell Jake, because she wasn't even sure about it. And more importantly, she wasn't sure if she'd ever let him see the baby if it was his.

It was breaking her heart to hear all that he had to say. It hurt, because she knew that she'd felt the same. She'd loved him, even as Leon. Knowing now that he was Jake... maybe the fact that he was Jake all along was the reason she'd loved him as Leon so much. Maybe very, very deep down she'd always known. Or maybe she was just an idiot and fell for any attractive male vampires that were sent to babysit her and were best friends of the one she'd been in love with. Probably the first one.

When he was all finished, when he was completely done speaking, all Cassie could do was watch him. She had no idea how she was supposed to feel or what she was supposed to say or any of that. Was she supposed to forgive? Were they supposed to run into each other's arms and share an emotional reunion? Well, one this was for sure - she wasn't running anywhere. She just kept laying there, absolutely still, watching him and taking it all in.

He'd let his best friend die for him. He'd taken on the role of his best friend in order to put her back on her feet and make her life right again. He'd slept with her when he wasn't supposed to - twice. He'd lied many times. He'd - probably - gotten her pregnant. And then he'd revealed that he was really Jake after all of that time. How was she supposed to react, besides continuing the crying that never seemed to end lately?

"You are such an idiot," she whispered, voice more hurt and slightly annoyed than angry. She should have thrown something at him. Maybe that was why Jake had waited until after she'd given birth. Had she still been pregnant, or before she'd gotten pregnant after all of that, she would have yelled. She'd have yelled, she probably would have thrown something, and she definitely would have hit him. "What am I supposed to say to all this? What reaction am I supposed to have? We've been living a lie for so long, how... How am I supposed to be okay with that? I don't... I don't know what I'm supposed to do." She felt very lost. What kind of a reaction did a person have to something like this?
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[Moni!]


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It's just us against the world.
Looking at all or nothing,
Babe, it's you and I.
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Jake Fleming
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Jake just wanted to get it all out, but when he was done he suddenly felt lost. He didn`t know what else to do or how things would go. Before he had everything planned – wait for his son to be born, tell Cassie about his true identity, make everything work between them. But everything changed so hard that he had completely no idea what to do. Cassie was probably too angry on him to forgive, the child wasn`t his, so… so what was he supposed to do? Where to go?

He wasn`t sure how she would react to everything that he said, but he didn`t expect her to react towards the fact that Leon gave up his life. He had finally forgiven himself for letting his friend do that, he had made his peace with his friend`s death and now she… she actually accused him for letting Leon die. ”I… let him die for you. And I know you didn`t want it, but I wanted it. If it were my choice, it would have been me dying. But it wasn`t up to me.” He explained slowly. Jake tried to make Leon change his mind, but there was no way to do that. ”Leon… I think he really longed for that day.” he added silently. Leon had been longing for that day every since his beloved one died.

There weren`t more horrible things in his story, than the most basic one – he pretended to be Leon. At least Jake thought so. Until Cassie grasped on the fact that her dream… was not a dream at all. Except that she understood everything wrong. ”No no no, it wasn`t like that!” he quickly protested, shaking his head. ”I didn`t use you! I didn`t plan for it to happen! God, Cassie, I would never do that kind of thing.” At least not intentionally. The wrong things he did without really thinking about it, in accident. Most of the time.

”That night, I was… I was missing you. I wanted for a second, for one short moment feel like I did before everything happened. I wanted to feel calm and relaxed and happy. So… I wanted to watch you sleep. You know, it always will remind me of the good times we had.” What better things he had to do while she was asleep if she was the most important thing to him? Exactly. There were none. ”I was scared when you woke up, but then you suggested that it was a dream and I went with it. I couldn`t let you know the truth. When you began kissing me…” he exhaled loudly. How could she understand it? She never wanted him like he wanted her.

He closed his eyes for a moment. He probably should have pushed her away. ”I knew it was wrong. But I didn`t stop you. I missed you and I wanted you. I`m sorry for that. But it was not planned, I didn`t try to use you.” That was true. He hated himself for that night, no matter how refreshing and how amazing it were. Her touches, the smell of her skin, her lips… it was enough to drive him crazy at any kind of situation.

How could Cassie hope that he would know what to do? How to react to everything? He was clueless. Jake never imagined that a situation like that would ever happen. So he didn`t how to react. He knew his own feelings towards her, he knew his feelings towards the child and he also still knew he had to try and keep his promise. At the same time, he didn`t want to. Neither did he want to have those feelings for her, nor did he want to keep the promise and leave. In the end, he knew he was going to do what she asked him to. That was the only way he could make everything a little bit better. Too bad that there wasn`t a way to fix everything.

”I don`t know. I wish I did, but I don`t.” Jake spoke slowly, looking down at his hands again. Everything got so messed up. How did he expect it to be easy, though? They were the two most different people in the world. It was never supposed to be easy. ”It`s all up to you. I… I don`t have a say in anything that you decide.” That was all he could do.
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Cassie Davis
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The fact that Jake had allowed Leon to die for her somehow hurt. Whether he'd wanted it or not, Cassie never wanted to be the reason anyone had died. Too many had died because of her, and now Leon was just another to add to the list. Another person to die for her. It wasn't fair, really. He barely knew her. There was nothing noble in what he'd done. His death had been pointless, because of Jake being unable to leave.

"Too bad he died in vain," she said quietly, not meeting his eyes. He'd died for her, but for no reason at all. Jake's promise had been worthless, as was Leon's sacrifice now. Of course he longed for that day, after everything she'd heard about him and Katherine, she understood. Still, she hadn't wanted him to die.

As he kept talking, Cassie only rolled her eyes. As usual, he was pathetic and had no control over his hormones whatsoever. Did any vampire? She wasn't sure. She couldn't blame herself for this one - she'd believed it to be a dream. Had it been obvious to her that it was real, then she'd take all the credit for it. But it was a dream to her so it was all on him. Maybe using her hadn't been his intention, but it just played out that way. Then again, didn't it always?

It was up to her at that point. Where they went from there, what they'd do, was all up to her. He'd leave if she asked, he'd stay if she wanted him to. It was all up to her. She didn't like the idea of being the sole decision maker, but if she left any of the decision up to Jake, he'd stay. But it wasn't the same anymore. She didn't just have herself to think about anymore - she had a son. Sure, she was almost positive now that he was his too, but she wasn't going to say anything. She was the one responsible for him. Jake had no part in it.

"Jake, I..." How forgiving could one person really be? She was constantly forgiving him for all of the stupid things he tended to do. But this was different. For ten months he'd played with her mind, let her believe in a lie. For ten months she'd mourned his death, and he'd never even been dead at all. "I have forgiven you of everything... I have always looked the other way for you, always chosen to see you instead of the stupid things you did. But I can't... I can't forgive this one, Jake. I'm sorry... I can't... I won't be with you anymore." The finality of that comment caused a little bit of pain. It'd been, what? A year and a half of her life solely revolving around Jake? She couldn't do it anymore. Not after this.
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[Moni!]


We got our backs against the ocean;
It's just us against the world.
Looking at all or nothing,
Babe, it's you and I.
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Jake Fleming
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”It wasn`t in vain.” Jake quickly protested. How could she say that it was in vain? He shook his head hard. ”You are alive, aren`t you? And there is a little baby born. Two lives for one. How can you say it was in vain?” That he was never going to accept.

Thinking about the child… it was different. Jake realized that it didn`t matter as much as he thought. It didn`t matter if the child shared his genetic or if it didn`t. He realized that he cared about the little boy any way or other, probably because of the last months spent obsessing over the baby. To him it was still his son. He hadn`t yet seen him alive, he hadn`t been there to see him born, but in his mind it was his son. Just that now he had no more rights to it.

When he left everything up for Cassie to decide, he knew she was going to hate him. And he realized that there was a huge possibility she`d tell him to leave. He accepted the fact rather calmly. But when she actually said what she said? It felt like a stab through his heart. Just the same one as he felt when she told that the boy wasn`t his. Sharp pain. She really couldn`t forgive him. She really wasn`t going to forgive him. He hurt her too much. His lies were too much. Jake found himself clenching his teeth, trying to control his expression and his emotions. And this was the only time he knew that she really meant what she was saying. It wasn`t anger talking, nor sadness. She just… couldn`t keep doing it anymore.

Maybe he could have brought up the fact that she lied to him just as well. But he didn`t. Jake slowly nodded. ”I… I understand…” It wasn`t possible to keep the hurt from his voice. It wasn`t his decision this time. Deciding was easier than knowing that he had no options left. He ran his fingers through his face. For few more moments he sat there still staring in front of himself. There were so many things on his mind but at the same time it felt empty. What could he possibly say to make it all better?

Then he nodded. ”Okay…” he whispered as he exhaled and stood up. If she wanted this, he couldn`t protest. He had done too much stuff against her will already. He had to stop doping that and for once listen to her. Listen to what she had to say and what she wanted. While standing up he looked down at her and just watched her. Jake realized that he had grown up in some way – before the mere thought of life without Cassie seemed pointless. Back then he wanted to die if he couldn’t be with her. But at that moment he realized that things had changed. They didn`t have to be together for him to live for her. They didn`t even have to be together for him to love her. Knowing that she existed was enough. Enough to exist.

”Just please… you know that Joanna is still around. She will still be looking for you.” he spoke slowly, his voice trembling a bit. The key was not to think. That made it easier. ”Please try and keep safe. Maybe go to your parents or… back to your werewolf friends. Just… please be with someone who could protect you.” She could deny that all she wanted, but Jake knew that she needed protection. She had always attracted trouble.

He took a few steps away, then stopped and looked back at her. ”And you will probably find it weird, but… let me know if anything happens to our-“ It became a habit. Jake frown rather painfully. ”To your son. He may not be mine, but… I care about him. I want him to be well and happy. He`s… he still feels like a son to me.”
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Cassie Davis
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If Leon hadn't sacrificed himself, then she'd be dead. And even if she hadn't died, and Jake had died for her instead, she still wouldn't have her son. That little baby boy meant more to her than the entire world, and living a life without him just seemed so empty and meaningless. For that, she wouldn't argue. She didn't want to be the reason anyone sacrificed themselves, but for her son... For her son, she wouldn't fight with Jake on that matter.

"I still don't agree with it," she replied, though she knew that he knew that. She'd argued with him countless times about stuff like that. Her opinions hadn't changed on that matter. There was a good chance that they never would.

The tone in Jake's voice hurt her, but that was because she didn't want to have to do this. But did she have any choice? How could she really stay with him after finding all of this out? Ten months of lies. Ten months that she couldn't forgive. She didn't find herself heartless for that, just not able to tolerate it. She closed her eyes for a moment, tears seeping out from under her eyelids. He wasn't dead. He was right there in front of her, and she was telling him to leave. After everything, she wanted him gone. Of course she was sad about that.

"I'll be fine, Jake..." Normally, she'd argue with him on the subject, but it wasn't about her anymore. She wasn't invincible. To protect her son, it meant she had to compromise. Staying somewhere safe would be the smartest decision in this case. So, she just nodded. Fine. She'd find somewhere safe. Cassie met his eyes then at the mention of the baby. He'd called him theirs for a moment. Hell, he was theirs. Still, she kept silent and nodded. Even if the baby wasn't biologically Jake's, he was the only father she'd have wanted him to have. "Leon," she said slowly. It felt right to name him after the person who was essentially the reason he was alive. "His name is Leon. And, I'll... If anything happens, I'll let you know..."
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[Moni!]


We got our backs against the ocean;
It's just us against the world.
Looking at all or nothing,
Babe, it's you and I.
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Jake Fleming
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For once Jake trusted her with taking care of herself. He knew she was usually careless. She ignored her safety because she didn`t like playing by the rules. That usually ended in her getting hurt over some tiny stupid thing. With her own safety he`d never trust her. But now, with the little baby boy, something told him that she`d finally listen to him. Truly try to keep safe. It wasn`t for her, but for her son. She always had a tendency to care more about others than herself, so it was the perfect combination.

He was honest to himself for once. He could leave Cassie. That time he truly knew that he could turn around and leave her and he could live on. Maybe not move on, maybe he would never stop loving her nor he would forget her, but he could live. Just knowing that she were would be good enough.

At the mention of Leon`s name he suddenly frown. He didn`t really understand what she meant by that. Until she said those other words. She was going to name the baby Leon. ”Leon.” He repeated and it brought a small smile on his lips. It was the kind of a smile that didn`t reach his eyes, because he was still too much in pain to let go completely, but it was an honest smile. He thought it was a great name. A great choice. He was glad. And he knew that Leon would be glad just as well. ”That`s… perfect.” He smiled a bit more, looking away from her. That was the child he had no rights to. That thought was a bit more painful than the idea of having to leave. ”I`m really glad that you chose that name… I could not find a more perfect name to fit.”

By that point Jake was done. He couldn’t say another word or he knew he`d do or say something stupid. So, he did the thing he had to do – he turned around to leave. But he only went few more steps away as he stopped. ”I`m not saying goodbye, because I`m sure we will see each other one day. I`ll want to know how… how Leon is doing and how are you. So… I`d rather leave with a simple see you.” He spoke silently, looking at her. This wasn`t one of those times when he knew he had to leave and never see her again. This was her wanting him to leave. It was different.

”So… see you, Cassie.” He murmured as he finally made his way to the door and really left. They both needed time.
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Cassie Davis
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Cassie nodded as Jake talked about the baby's name. Leon was an absolutely perfect name. He'd given his life for her, and essentially, was the only reason her baby boy was alive. Naming him anything else would be cruel. Leon was strong - so was her son. It was very perfect. What was not perfect was how she had to talk with Jake as though this was not his son. She was still lying to him, while she was leaving him for lying to her. She was the biggest hypocrite ever, yet she reasoned with herself by saying that it was all for her son. She was leaving him for her son, because she could do it better alone. Being with Jake would cause more pain, more fear, and that was something she had to protect him from. She couldn't put him in danger again. The lies were only half of the reason she'd wanted him to leave.

She watched him turn to leave, wishing that there was a way that he could stay. She really didn't want to tell him goodbye. She still loved him more than she could ever even bother trying to explain, but it wasn't enough anymore. He didn't leave, though, but instead turned to look at her. And slowly, she nodded again. Of course they'd see each other again. This wasn't goodbye forever. She wasn't sure if she could do that much, but they needed a long break from each other. She didn't want to get back together with him, but maybe in the future she'd tell him about Leon being his and they could be friends or something. Maybe.

"See you..." And then he was gone, just like that. She'd actually sent him away, asked him to leave her and their son behind. And he'd listened. He hadn't argued, hadn't fought against it, none of that. He'd just walked away. She wasn't relieved. In fact, she felt even sadder than before. She didn't want to be alone, but she was so tired of it all. Her son didn't deserve such a life. She'd rest for a while, then find somewhere safe to stay. Leon probably wouldn't be able to leave for a while, so she'd get their place set up. Buy him a crib, buy him all those things she didn't have time to get. After all, he wasn't supposed to come so early. But it was alright. She could live like this. In many ways, the last few hours had only made her stronger. She could live without Jake. She would live without Jake, for that little baby in the other room. He changed everything.
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[Moni!]


We got our backs against the ocean;
It's just us against the world.
Looking at all or nothing,
Babe, it's you and I.
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